Jokes apart

There is no thing like "slight pregnancy". Was it Confucius who said that? !! So is corruption, either one is corrupt or not corrupt but never slightly corrupt!
Recently the Municipal authorities in Bangalore went on a rampage, demolishing buildings, which had flouted norms laid down by the authorities. Soon there were protests against the demolitions because these were the houses of the very people who had in the first place made complaints about the illegal constructions in the localities! In the beginning there was mass support to these good intentioned Samaritans, but when many unsuspecting people lost their dwellings they realised that all is not well and going in the right direction. Though the complaint was against commercial houses being set up in the residential localities, the authorities went on demolishing buildings for all other kinds of violations of construction laws. The complainants became nervous and ran from pillar to post to save their houses. It seemed that the government was saying, “You sowed the seeds, now you can have the harvest!”
That is the problem. Most of us are unaware that we could be sent to jail if we make any complaint against the “Authorities” – that is the Government Establishment. One should know that the Government is none other than “we ourselves” and if one goes on complaining against oneself the consequences could be very dangerous. Now the people in Koramangala in Bangalore have learned their lesson the hard way.
Most people do not want to give bribes, lest they should get caught in some complicated web. So the difficult jobs are entrusted to experts who know how to get things done. One should not ask difficult questions to the expert, because his job is to get difficult jobs done by difficult people sitting in difficult positions. You just pay the fees, which the expert tells you, and forget the details. Don’t ever try to think that you have a right to know anything more than that. If you do, you could face the same situation that the Koramangala residents faced!
This can happen in any Indian city because buildings have been built without proper clearances from the authorities after bribing the officials. These officials can strike back any time they choose to because they have the power to do so.
Some one said that the best way to get rid of corruption is to legalise corruption! When you legalise corruption there will be competition among a number of officials to do your job and the price for doing your job will steadily fall! Allow the competition to grow and it will find its own level in the market place!! A good capitalistic idea!!
But who wants to get rid of corruption?

We had a problem in our street. The street in front of our Apartment building is very narrow and if cars are parked on one side of the street, the movement of cars up and down the street becomes very difficult. Very rarely you get the chance to drive down the small distance of two hundred meters without stopping in gaps and allowing the traffic from the opposite side to pass by! But one fine morning we found that cars were parked on both sides of the street! This was the result of the government’s sudden decision to stop paid parking on roads of Bangalore. It was merry hell. Till then the attendant who collected the parking charges used to regulate the parking of vehicles on the streets, and he was able enforce a certain discipline. But now he has gone and cars were parked on both sides of the street making it almost impossible to negotiate the length of two hundred meters outside our Apartment building. This state of affairs continued for many days and we were witness to several fisticuffs in front of our building every day. When the problem became really out of control few of us living in the Apartment approached the traffic dept and gave a written complaint and explained our woes to the head of the dept, who promised to look into the matter. Within less than a week a traffic policeman visited our building and talked to the building management. He said he could arrange to fix “No parking” signs on one side of the road and put on duty one constable to enforce the rules. The problem he said was that there is a great demand for these “No parking” sign-boards and probably he might be able to fix one near our building after 12 to 18 months. But, there is a way if there is a will, he said! We could buy these sign boards from the supplier directly for a nominal price of Rs.1200/- each which he could supply within 24 hours, and the policeman would go out of the way and arrange to fix them near our building to stop the menace of wrong parking on our street. He suggested that we pay for 4 sign- boards so that the traffic regulation would become very strict and effective. The building Management sat together and deliberated on the subject exhaustively and came to the conclusion that we must pay for at least two sign boards to stop the traffic menace. Within 24 hours of paying the asked amount of Rs.2400/- for two boards, the policeman was seen busying himself with fixing two boards on either side of our gate, about 100 ft. apart and for the first time after several weeks the residents of our building experienced some relief from the chaotic parking of cars outside our building! But good things do not last for long, it is said. Our happiness almost came to an end after about 3 months of ecstasy!! One cold night a traffic van fitted with towing crane etc, stopped by the side of our building, three hefty policemen got down armed with pick-axe and crowbars and started digging around one of the signposts and within minutes the it was removed and put into the van. Few good Samaritans living in our building protested, but the policemen were determined and brushed aside all objections, saying that only one sign post was necessary near our building, and their boss has ordered to remove the second one to be put elsewhere. The good Samaritans could not tell them that these posts were paid for. If they did they could have been arrested and put behind the bars for corrupting the police force! One of the good Samaritans murmured “This is the case of the fence eating the plants in the garden”!!

Conversation
Conversation is an art, it is said. Like any performing art, the performer has the capacity to hold the audience spellbound. In the case of conversation however there is no performer or audience. Two people or a whole group of a number of persons participate in the conversation and there is no demarcation such as the performer and audience. All are participants when the subject of discussion is of interest. Some may take leading roles while others just add on a few points or sometimes express agreement or disagreement with the views being expressed. It often happens that one of the participants emerges, as a performer and the rest become the audience. Unless the subject under discussion is something interesting to all in the group, and the narrator does it in a very interesting manner the discussion will not last for long. In many cases one emerges as a performer because he/she wants to hold the attention of the audience - like a leader of a political party. It is the need of a person to hold the attention of the others, rather than the group’s interest in the subject under discussion that that produces performers. The need for attention is caused by one’s love for leadership or simply vanity and is inherent in many people. Politicians are most prone to becoming performers in “Conversation”. The common man does not want to be identified as a politician because by popular definition the politician is a scoundrel. So it is rare that a common (average) man emerges as a performer in “Conversation”. He has no interest to monopolise the conversation but he is one with good skills in conversation to hold the attention of the entire group. A good conversationalist is not one who monopolises the conversation. But in certain circumstances he becomes the sole speaker. In the case of the politician it is not the circumstance but his need to be noticed and heard that makes him the sole speaker. Usually he would have perfected several methods by which he could silence the others. But if his methods fail he would become mildly aggressive and assertive to hold the audience. Many politicians are known to have resorted to violence when interrupted in their speeches, because the politicians believe (truly believe) that it is a kind of right, which no one can question, a kind of democratic right to bore others. If there are more than one politician in the group one cannot predict the outcome!
There is another type of people who want to forcibly hold the audience captive. They are the vain types doing it for the sole purpose of self glorification, trying to publicise their achievements and exploits, imagined or otherwise. They do not become aggressive but plead with the others to listen to them. If one is so unfortunate as to be a lone listener, he may become sleepy and inattentive but that does not deter the speaker from continuing the speech. He would laugh loudly and make loud noises to wake the listener up, and then offer to repeat any portion that the listener might have missed! There was this man who disentangled himself from such a “Bore” by telling him that he should be excused immediately for he could not hold it any longer and another minute of delay would dirty his clothes, and ran to the wash room! The freedom was short lived for when he came out there he was saying “ Where was I when you ran to the wash room?”
Conversation is also a form of communication. Another, more dynamic form of communication is Gossip. It is a pastime for a lot of people but who would admit that he/she is a Gossip? What other activity is more entertaining than Gossiping? It could be useful to listen to Gossips because it helps you to gather and understand the world around you. It helps you to gather useful information. With tact and cunning one can indulge in Gossips not only to gather valuable information but also to disseminate information in an informal way. The grapevine is a powerful tool to gather and disseminate classified information. Through this medium people can be warned of impending disasters and to advise people to follow the right path. One can intimidate or encourage.
The danger is that sometimes the contents of the information gets get all twisted in the process of carrying by mouth. There is this story of one man having vomited a crow! People ran miles to see the man who vomited a crow. And when they could not see the crow they questioned the man who last said that a man vomited a crow. He said that “X” told him so. When questioned, “X” said that “Y” told him that a man vomited some thing that was as black as a crow, and this chain of questioning went on till finally they came to the truth, which was that a black man vomited after drinking heavily in the pub!
So, one has to be very careful while giving or receiving “word of mouth” information.

Jokesapart

Recently, I was nostalgically remembering about my student days in College in Trivandrum. That is almost 50 years ago, when life was a dream, a song, a poetry. Those were also the days when students agitations were very frequent and in 1956-57 (I think) the students agitated almost for a full year for causes I am unable to remember clearly now. There was this agitation for not shifting the High Court from Trivandrum to Cochin – Or was it an agitation to retain one High Court Bench in Trivandrum? I cannot remember. Any way it was agitation time and for students to stay away from classes which suited most of us who were in the grip of juvenile romanticism. Communism was so romantic one day and it was so heroic to oppose Communism after some days of supporting the Communist causes. The student community was so full of energy that any small cause could whip up enormous passions and unleash havoc. Political parties of course made full use of the opportunities regardless of what happened to the future of the youngsters. Those days there was only one Engineering Degree College and one Medical College in whole of Kerala and it was a Herculean task to obtain admission for Engineering or Medical courses in Kerala. The effect of student agitations in our most crucial year for admissions to the Engineering or Medical Colleges in Trivandrum was that, not one student from our college got admission to the Engineering college and only one student got admission to the Medical Co;;ege, despite our college being one of the elite colleges in the State!!.

This is just the background! On one day of violence (which was frequent) the police entered our college and ordered caning the rioting students and then caught a few boys at random and took them to the police station for questioning. The boys were made to stand in a line against the station wall and one constable started writing down the names and addresses of the boys. When asked for his name one of the boys said “Sardar Vallabhai Patel”. The constable got very angry but controlled his anger because if he as much as touched the boy, or even shouted at him, the others would have raised hell shouting slogans against the high handedness of the police force! So the policeman quietly asked him again to tell his real name and not to act funny. In fact he said, “Brother, these are trying times and not the time for jokes. So tell me your real name and not waste my time” The boy asserted that his name was indeed Sardar Vallabhai Patel. Though the policeman was furious he had to control himself and grind his teeth. Then he approached another boy standing a little distance away and asked the name of the boy in question. He readily said that his name was Sardar Vallabhai Patel. The policeman consulted few more boys who confirmed that his name was indeed Sardar Vallabahi Patel. With a smile on his face the policeman went to the inspector’s table and told them about the boy’s name and suddenly loud laughter broke out from the policemen in the station. This followed even louder slogan shouting from the students. At last calm was restored only after some one explained the lighter side of the whole incident and it became a joke to be told again and again.

Recently, not really, about ten years ago, I was talking to an employee of a bank in Mumbai, regarding some matters and I had to meet him again the next day. So I asked his name and he replied “Jawaharlal Nehru”. I was taken aback and his colleague sitting at the table next to him, must have noticed my bewilderment and said, “ Yes, it’s true. His name is Jawaharlal Nehru. His sister’s name is Indira Gandhi and his brother’s name is Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi.” Jawaharlal also nodded and said that what his colleague said was true.

So there it is. God help those with names such as Bin Laden or Sadam!!!